Anger Management
by Mysterytay
Summary: The fourth installment of the "Odd Couple" series. Squidward and Sandy are sentenced to Anger Management.


**A/N: The fourth installment of the "Odd Couple" series. Squidward and Sandy are stuck together again. When will the madness that is my fascination with these two characters stop? I have no idea, and I don't know what will happen next. We'll see what the future holds. This happens immediately where "Trapped" left off.**

**Disclaimer: I own bupkiss.**

Anger Management

It was a peaceful day at the park. The scallops were chirping as they were fed by an old lady sitting on a bench. A couple was having a picnic, and everyone just seemed unnaturally happy. Said peace was interrupted by Mr. Krabs screaming while he ran for his life. He was followed by a squirrel and an octopus. They were literally steaming with rage as they chased the crustacean.

"Clear the way!" Mr. Krabs pushed people out of his path, the odd couple tore up the park to catch him. Chaos ensued. Objects were thrown, a picnic basket was crushed, squashing the food inside. It splattered on the fish couple. People took cover from the madness, some toppling over each other.

"My leg!" Someone cried out in pain.

"You lousy varmint!" Sandy Cheeks yelled. "I'm gonna skin ya'll and serve you with butter!"

"What she said," Squidward Tentacles added. Mr. Krabs had locked his pursuers inside of the Krusty Krab all night. Clearly they did not appreciate it. The crab ran and ran until he came to a cliff. He skidded to a stop, nearly falling off the ledge. He spun around to find his pursuers closing in. He was trapped. He trembled, and sweated with fear.

"Do what you want with me, just don't hurt me money!" He pleaded. The duo were about to grab him, when a stern voice caused them to halt.

"Stop right there!" It was a police officer. Sandy and Squidward turned around, and found him standing behind them. "What seems to be the problem here?"

"Thank Neptune," Mr. Krabs sighed in relief. He pointed a claw at them. "These lunatics were tryin' ta kill me!"

"Is that true?" The officer asked the duo.

"It's not what it looks like," Squidward answered. "We're the victims here."

"Whose on the edge of a cliff?" Mr. Krabs pointed out. Sandy stepped in when Squidward fumbled for an answer. She got up in the officer's face.

"This low life locked us inside of his establishment all night!"

"Yeah, he held us against our will," Squidward added. "He's the criminal, arrest him!" He pointed a tentacle at the crab.

The scene cuts to a court house. Squidward and Sandy were in handcuffs, standing before the judge. Mr. Krabs was there. He had a neck brace on, despite the fact that he hadn't been touched. SpongeBob SquarePants was called to the stand. Squidward groand. Surely he would blow it for them.

"Mr. SquarePants, have you ever witnessed anger from the defendents?" The judged addressed the sponge. He nervously straightened his tie.

"No, your honor," he replied. "Sandy is my friend, and Squidward is the nicest person I know." Squidward had to hold back a snort. _Well, maybe his delusions will keep me out of the slammer. _He thought. Unfortunately, SpongeBob continued. "When Squidward booted me out of his house, he didn't even leave a mark." The jury gasped, Squidward groaned again. "And when Sandy and I were fighting..."

"Fighting?" The judge questioned. It was Sandy's turn to groan.

"No, no! We love karate, she started fighting me when I broke her..." SpongeBob tried correcting his error. Mr. Krabs butted in.

"But she's an expert, and the lad is still learnin'."

"See, what happened was..." Sandy tried explaining, but the judge banged his gavel.

"No interruptions! It is clear that you two have serious anger issues. I hear by sentence you to Anger Management." He banged his gavel to confirm it.

...

The next day Squidward Tentacles made his way to his Anger Management session. He was clearly not happy about it. His suction cups popped on the sidewalk pavement as he grumbled.

"Fish paste! I don't need Anger Management..." Not looking where he was going, he ran smack into Sandy Cheeks, who was also on her way. "Watch where you're going!" He shouted.

"You ran into me! Watch where you're goin'!" Sandy yelled back. A vein throbbed in the octopus' head.

"I can't believe I'm stuck with you again! This is all SpongeBob's fault. When I get my hands on that yellow..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," He was interrupted by the Anger Management instructor, a little blue fish with glasses. They weren't even aware that they were standing right outside of the building. "Come inside, it looks like I have a lot of work to do." He led them into the building. There were chairs arranged in a circle. Other patients sat in them. The instructor sat at the head after he seated Squidward and Sandy.

"Welcome to Anger Management, my name is Dr. Halibut," the instructor introduced. "Now, I'm sure you all know why you're here..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" A female fish disrupted, taking offense.

"No need to raise your voice..."

"What'd you call me?" A male fish turned to the person sitting next to him.

"Yo mamma!" Someone else shouted at another fish. The circle was getting out of control. Squidward shrank down in his seat, trying not to look anyone in the eye. Nobody dared to pick a fight with Sandy. Dr. Halibut stood up and blew a whistle.

"Everyone calm down," he said in a calm, yet stern voice. "Repeat after me. Goosefrabba... goosefrabba..." They all repeated the calming vocalization. Squidward and Sandy raised an eyebrow. The instructor continued after everyone mellowed down. "Now let's introduce ourselves. We'll go clockwise, state your name and why you're here." A light green, female fish was first.

"My name is Tammy, and I fought a whale for a purse at the mall."

"Why did you do that?" Dr. Halibut asked.

"I wanted it, so I punched her," Tammy continued. "I mean, I thought it was ugly, but I couldn't let her have it."

"Good, good. Next." Next was a chubby orange fish.

"I'm Stan. I'm here because a waiter messed up my order, so I threw the dish in his face."

"Completely unreasonable. Next." It was Squidward's turn.

"Squidward Tentacles. I'm here because I was rightfully so, angry with my cheap skate boss."

"Now, we shouldn't blame others, Mr. Tentacles," Dr. Halibut lectured. Sandy stuck up for Squidward.

"Actually, I can vouch for him," she said. "Howdy, I'm Sandy Cheeks, and I'm here for the same reason. That tight wad purposely locked us inside of the Krusty Krab for at least ten hours."

"But that doesn't excuse your behavior."

"What about his behavior?" Squidward nearly shouted. "I was forced to spend the night with this hick!" He gestured to her with both arms.

"Hey, I had yer back," Sandy yelled. "Like yer such a day at the Alamo!" They were standing in each others' faces, their blood pressures rising with their rage.

"Oh, shut up you backwoods..."

"Don't you tell me ta shut up, beanpole!" She jabbed his chest with her finger.

"That's enough!" Dr. Halibut got between them. Before they knew it, he had handcuffed them to each other. He stuffed the key in his pocket. "This will be your first exercise. Until you can get along, you will be stuck together."

"What?!" Squidward shouted. "Oh, come on, I got things to do!"

"Ya'll can't be serious!" Sandy protested.

"As a heart attack," said Dr. Halibut. "You two need to learn to settle your problems without losing your tempers. Now go do that." He pointed to the door. They grumbled as they made their way. Just before they left, Dr. Halibut ridiculed two flirting patients. "Hey, cut it out you two. Romantic relationships between clients is strictly prohibited..."

...

Sandy dragged Squidward down the sidewalk.

"Wait, where are we going?" Squidward demanded as he pulled back. Sandy stopped briefly.

"I gotta practice my wranglin'," She made her way to the park, dragging Squidward along with her. He protested the whole way. Once they arrive, Sandy pulls a rope out of no where, ties it into a lasso, and starts twirling it.

"Can I borrow that when you're done?" Squidward asked, slightly sarcastic. Sandy missed it.

"Why?" She wondered.

"I think you know why." Sandy rolled her eyes, and threw the rope around a branch on a coral tree.

"Yee-ha!" She cried, triumphantly.

"Puh-lease, must be easy when it's not moving," Squidward ridiculed. Sandy felt anger bubbling up. In swift action, she roped Squidward around the neck, and pulled the rope, repeatedly knocking his head on the coral tree.

Next, Squidward is leading Sandy. His rubbed his sore head.

"Where we headed?" the squirrel asked.

"I have to practice my clarinet," he answered. At Squidward's house, in his usual practicing room, Squidward began to play his clarinet. Sandy cringed at the screeching, sour notes. Instinct made her want to cover her ears, but she had her air helmet on, and one of her hands was attached to Squidward.

"What in tarnation is that?!" She yelled over the noise. The octopus ceased his playing.

"Music," he replied.

"You sound like a bull gettin' neutered."

"You just don't have any taste," Squidward stated. He began playing again, this time directly in Sandy's ear. She snatches the instrument with her free hand, and throws it out the window.

"Hey!" Squidward yelled. Then the voice of Patrick Star carries up to them.

"Look SpongeBob, a back scratcher!" He announced excitedly.

"Disgusting," said the grumpy cephalopod. "Now I'll have to sterilize it."

Now the odd couple were in town. Both were trying to head in the opposite direction, each pulled with great strength.

"This way," Squidward ordered.

"No, this way," Sandy demanded. Getting no where, they stopped pulling.

"That's it!" Squidward had had enough. He threw his arms in the air, bringing Sandy's cuffed one with him. "I can't take this anymore. I'm tired of being stuck with you! This time it's literal!"

"You think I'm enjoying this?" Sandy asked, rhetorically. "I can't stand bein' around someone so stuck up."

"I can't stand being around someone without an ounce of class! I'm embarrassed to be seen with you!"

"I thought ya'll said you liked that, and I was at least bein' my self."

"I was making that up to tell Squilliam off. You know that whole couple thing was fake!" Squidward shot. For some reason Sandy felt a little hurt.

"You really are an uppidy snob," she calmly stated after she let her rage simmer down. They stood quietly for a minute.

"Look, we need to get that "Dr." to free us." Squidward made air quotes around the word.

"He won't until we 'learn to get along.'" As Sandy said that something caught Squidward's eye. He turned his head, and saw said Dr. approaching. A lightbulb flashed over his head, literally.

"I have an idea. Remember when he said romantic relationships were strictly prohibited between clients?" He asked.

"Yeah, so?" Sandy replied, somewhat confused.

"How long can you hold your breath?"

"Almost three minutes, but why..."

"Please resist the urge to hit me. Quick, he's coming, play along."

Suddenly it clicked in her head. She barely had the thought formed when Squidward removed her air helmet, and set it down on the sidewalk. Then he grabbed her by the waist, and dipped her. He made sure Dr. Halibut was looking before he smashed his lips onto hers. Sandy went stiff for a minute in complete shock. She found herself wanting to punch him, but she wanted out of this situation too. Unexpectedly she fell limp. This actually wasn't so bad. She felt fuzzy inside, her heart pounded in her chest. For Squidward the feeling was mutual . His body felt warm. He was confused by these feelings. Fireworks exploded behind them.

"You idiot! You weren't supposed to launch the fireworks 'til tonight!" A voice shouted.

"Sorry boss," another voice apologized.

Dr. Halibut looked on in surprise. Finally, they broke apart with a cartoony smack. Squidward released Sandy. She quickly seized her helmet, and shoved it back on, taking huge gulps of air. She felt dizzy, but she wasn't sure if it was from the lack of air, or the kiss. Squidward was also out of breath. He felt a little dazed. Their cheeks flushed. Dr. Halibut spoke up.

"Well Mr. Tentacles, Miss Cheeks, I clearly stated that romantic relationships were not allowed."

"Yup, you sure did," Squidward said after he gathered himself. "Sandy here just drives me crazy."

"Yeah, this feller just gets my blood a boilin'," Sandy sheepishly added.

"Well, I see you two are ah... getting along. I'll have to separate you," the Dr, pulled out the handcuff key. The odd couple held back a triumphant 'yes!' as he released them. "But you still have to continue with the sessions."

"What?!" They shouted, simultaneously.

"See you tomorrow." Dr. Halibut walked off. The octopus and the squirrel were left standing there. Sandy felt anger rising again. Suddenly she slapped Squidward across the face.

"OW!" He cried. "What was that for?" She left a mark, he rubbed the sore spot on his cheek.

"For kissin' me!" Sandy stated. "Didn't yer Ma teach ya ta ask permission? And it didn't work, we still have to go back."

"I got us out of the handcuffs, didn't I?"

"Yeah, see ya!" Sandy storms off, leaving Squidward confused, and irritated.

"Women!" He yelled at the sky. He started for his home. That squirrel was so ungrateful. Yeah, that kiss was unorthodox, but he did set them free. _What an unclassy hick_, he thought. She was so loud and brash. She really did drive him crazy. They hardly ever talked before, but for some insane reason, they were constantly being thrown together this past month, mostly due to desperation. What was it that he felt back there? That strange, warm sensation that spread throughout his body? _It's nothing_, he thought. He just did what he had to, she hated him for it anyway. It was over now, yet that kiss would not leave his mind, or that feeling on his lips where hers had been. What was she doing to him?

Sandy was confused, and irritated herself. She made her way to the tree dome. Who did he think he was, kissing her like that? Surley there could have been another way? But it wasn't likely they were going to get along any time soon. He really made her blood boil. _He's so full of himself_, she thought. _What a narcissistic snob! _She was very agitated. Her anger for the octopus, and that kiss nagged at her brain. She groaned in frustration. During her entire time in Bikini Bottom, she and Squidward had barely interacted. Why all of a sudden were they being forced together? That was probably one of the best kisses of her life, and it wasn't even real. But what was that fuzzy feeling when his lips landed on hers? That tingling in her body? What was happening to her?

**A/N: Review your brains out! Who knows where 'goosefrabba' is from?**


End file.
